Musings while taking a break....

MEMO FOR TOM CRUISE:


Dude - a big white pearly smile does not make you an intellectual. Pull your head out of your ass before your whole career joins it.

BTW sweetheart - the guy that brings the prettiest girl to the party, then gropes the hell out of her for the world to see: HE'S USUALLY THE BIGGEST CLOSET GAY GUY OUT THERE!


RUN KATIE - RUN!!!




I'M SO TIRED. ~SNORE~


I'm off for my first day in 10. And in that 10 day - there were a few all day stints. I'm exhausted. Everyday, I wonder what the physical symptoms are that these celebrities get hospitalized for.

Seriously - what are they? Have I ever known a real, non celebrity type person to be getting this hospitalization? Why are Michael Jackson, Angelina and Mariah getting this specialized care? What are those bastards doing that allows them treat and the Mayo for being over-worked?

Yeah - I think I need to be gettin myself and agent... ;)

I am taking both my days off this week. Nothing on earth is going to make me leave the house today. It's not a true rest break though - I am working on my beloved human resources course. It's really sucking the life out of all my down time (and I haven't had much of that lately!)

The problem is - I am so physically and mentally exhausted, that I am starting to have trouble actually thinking. I'm serious. I couldn't remember how old I was yesterday. It was there...but pulling it forth was a struggle.

Stretched thin. I need to start saying no...... No thanks I would not like to develop a blankety-blank for you. No thanks, I would not like to be your training store.... No thanks - plate full!

I wonder how that will go over...not comfortable not tackling everything I can get my hands on.

Failure - the real 'F' word...

I've watched my Dad (real Dad) and grandfather go down this path. Do I really want to be them? Arggggg! What kind of role-model am I going to be for my family? Luckily Big J hasn't fallen into the work-a-holic trap.

God I love him. If there were two of us in this house - Big Kaka.


>^..^<

Heaven on Earth

PICTURE ME STROLLIN THE TIDAL POOLS IN TOFINO...

I am going on vacation in a couple weeks. I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!! TOFINO IS MY FAVOURITE PLACE ON THE PLANET!

I went there on the vacation from hell about 8 years ago with my sister and two alcoholics (my mom and step-dad). It was a pretty much a trailer trash vacation, but Tofino was the pearl in the middle made it all worthwhile. All four of us were packed into a Valare (or something similar). The trunk was so full, we were on pins and needles wondering if my s.dad was going to get everything in there each day, and taking bets on who he was going to take down in the process. Just trying to facilitate taking the tent down without a fight breaking out was tough. It was an extremely stressful trip. My step-dad is German with a short fuse and loves to pick fights. My mom - loves to fight so much, you don't even need to participate. My sister and I - just about needed therapy at the end.

There were lot's of fun parts though - like my 18 year old sister spending an hour in the back seat putting make up - just to be considered a '12 and under' once we got to the ferry cashier a few minutes later. Man did I rib her for that! It was truly priceless.

* I am getting the giggles right now remembering her puckering up and putting her coffee bean lipstick on. Teeheeehee!

Big J has arranged an deluxe RV for us, and a kennel with internet feed for the Beaz (Swanky stuff for a dog!). This is a big step for the Big J - he doesn't even come to the Hat with me to visit my family. Way to go Baby!

Cubbie - I'll be thinking about you. I know you love Tofino as much as I do!!!!! I'll take some nice footage on my camera of the tidal pools and the fog rolling out. And the fog horn. God I loved that sound.

And I'll play 'Mom' and re-enact our previous trip with Jer so he really feels the pain we went through. Just kidding.

I AM GOING ON A WHALE WATCHING TRIP THIS TIME THOUGH!!! WOOOHOOOO!

You know what's funny? We don't even have a campsite booked. I'm a pretty big control freak - almost to the point of OCD. So it's odd that I am not freaking out about this. But I couldn't find anything on the net - so I'm winging it. NOTHING IS STOPPING THIS VACATION. NOTTA. ZILCH. AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. I'm a rather determined girl...



YOU KNOW YOU'RE BURNT OUT WHEN....


I actually put my head down on my desk today and cried my flippin eyes out.

Yes I closed my office door first.

I have been pretty much living at work. It's insane. There are beds there...I might get stuck by a few pins if I tried to sleep in them, but it could happen. If it weren't for Big J and the Beaz, I maybe wouldn't even make it out of the building some days.

If we have to put on one more horse and pony show for a VIP I am seriously going to lose it. It sucks to be number one sometimes. Sigh. To be invisible. Bliss.

I actually crave the days where I didn't have to make the decisions. Where I had 5 managers telling me what to do. No decisions. Ahhh, to get back to that. Hmmm - theres about 35 thousand dollars a year between here and there. Maybe not.

It sucks to have bills to pay. To be a shoeless, dreadlocked coffee swigging hippie in Tofino for the rest of my life. That would be so heavenly.

My legally gun-totin', red-neck, non-coffee indulging husband would go straight bonkers.

He's a good man. He's worth all this and more. No Tofino for me - just a trip every 10 years. Sigh....

>^..^<

Ponderings on a Lovely Day

Had a family packed day today - It was so nice! I had Cubbie time without the Vivinator. Got to see my sister in law (I adore her - the best thing that ever happened to my bro). And my nephew remained calm and happy when I held him, then made smiley faces at me. That was the best part. :)



CARNIVAL OF HORRORS

It's the last day of the Stampede. That truly does deserve a 'Yee Haw'.

I hate the Stampede. It's best seen in the evening. How else will you get the full effect of the Polar Bear Express? Lit up, going backwards, people on the outside squished. Little kids and anorexics struggling to stay inside the car, and best of all, the creepy Carnie yelling "Do you wanna go fas-sssss-t-errrrrrrrrrrrr?!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ah. Used to be good stuff.


Now it's about thug gangs and weapon fights. I think there were two or three Big J and I witnessed the last year we went. Now we try to avoid it.

Besides, when I worked at the office supply store, we had a Stampede Breakfast every year. I have a fatal fear of clowns. Of course they were consistently in attendance. After one brutally creepy experience, I just began to take holidays that week. In the end, I just started avoiding the gong show all together.

I miss the root bear and corn dog ritual though. I would search the ground to find the biggest meanest honker - and that is the corn dog unit that I would sink my teeth into. That and a vat of mustard. Yummilicious.

SURGICAL ESCAPADES....

Had some exploratory fertility surgery - good news! Girlfriend is good to go. Now all we have to do is win the lottery and buy some sperm...

Now my only worry is the festering smelly belly button. They should really warn you about that before hand. It's - Oh - about a million trillion more times worse than the smelliest feet you've ever encountered. Noxious stuff man.




BRO....

Okay, I am the last one in the world to use the 'poor _____' line. But sometimes a person just gets too much change on their plate. I look and my brother and his little piece of the world is so fragile right now. I'm nervous for him. He's a big boy, and I know consistently strives to make the right decisions. Sometimes your childhood baggage makes it awkward and frustrating to go forward in relationships. I don't want to see that happen to my brother. I feel horrible because I really haven't been there for him since he came back. We've both been working ourselves to death, letting our lives pass us by. I am going to make an effort to be available in case he needs me. I always tell my siblings - it's us three against the world. At the end of the day - we have to have each other's backs. And backsides.


Dad turned up at Cubbie's house today. He was very quiet at first. I beaked off about him not helping us with our deck after promising. I think it got relayed to him, which doesn't bother me. What does bother me is that I shouldn't have put it out there. Don't put onto other what you should suck up and tackle yourself. I felt bad after I had said it. Can't take it back. I really didn't want his help anyway - I don't know why I got so flippin' bent over it.

My bro said I should pay him, then he would be sure to show up. That really pissed me off. Especially as I had just finished paying off my braces - which I hold a grudge over, as it was the one thing he could have got off his ass and paid for in my child or adulthood. Anyway - you shouldn't have to beg your Dad to deliver for you. Especially when he has been telling you all your adult life that he regrets not being there for us as children. At the end of the day - you gotta be a man and live by your word. Don't put it out there if you can't see it through. Especially with me - it took along time for me to come to terms with him. He knows I don't get over things easily.

Errrggg!!! All talk. Just like his father before him. Only gets off his duff to help my brother. Pisses me off, but it's who he is. All I can do is accept it, or move along.

I've come to the conclusion that I am my own best father figure.

Hopefully my brother doesn't fuck it up for his child. Not off to a great start though....



ON A BRIGHTER NOTE...

I came to a conclusion today which almost moved my Dad to tears. I think the way he approached us as children helped to mould us into the conscientious individuals we are today. I had the least interactions with him, but he would engage me in adult conversations, and ask about my feelings, and get me thinking about my motivations. The would stick with me for a long time. Mostly because my experiences with him were so infrequent. I thanked him for that today. I think he was surprised. Surprised that I would think his clumsy, stilted attempts at communicating with his children was actually beneficial. I know somewhere in that man is a guy that deeply regrets not being the playful, soccer coach, cub scout leader dad type. I hope it made him feel better about his place in our development.

Now if only that bugger had showed up to build my freakin deck.....