KARMA IS SWEEEEET!!!

Have you ever had one of those moments when your are driving and some bastard is totally on your tail? And you think "WHAT AN ASS!" Then the idiot finally gets in front of you and speeds off into the distance, and you think: I HOPE THERE'S A COP UP THERE.

Well that happened to me the other day. AND THERE WAS INDEED A COP UP THERE!

This jerk was on me all the way into town, and when the lane finally doubled he/she (couldn't actually tell which it was...) pulled up beside me at the light. I knew the he/she was going to blow off the line on the green light, and I thought: whatever!

Obviously in a hurry, and had a zen for suicide. Off you go then sparky!

So the light turns and he/she peels off. The speed limit is 70, I'm doing 70.

The village idiot however is doing well over 120 as they race off over the horizon.

I think to myself, " Hmmm. I hope there's a damn cop up there..."

IT WAS GLORIOUS!!! Just as I got the the hill, I got to see the cop flip his car lights on and chase 'Speedy Gonzolas' to pull the he/she over. Ooooh, I wanted to smile and wave as I went by! The cop was just getting to the window though, and I chickened out. Damn. It was pretty satisfying however. That completely ROCKED!!!

Did I mention our speed demon was driving a ratty blue minivan? Wow buddy.
Dare to be Earnhardt.


>^..^<

I'M BARFILICIOUS...THANKS FOR ASKING

uGhHhHh. I'm not feeling well.
The flu has completely taken over my body. The bastard!!!

I really wanted to get the damn flu shot. I thought I had lots of time, since we had a plethora of vaccine. Then I read in the paper that we were out...and it was reserved for high risk people only. So I thought I was out'ta luck and didn't bother. Then my Sister tells me yesterday that they found more and changed their tune 2 weeks later. See - sometimes my lack of following current news events bites me in the ass.

She also mentioned that they will still give it to you when they say crap like that in the media - so go the the clinic and get it if you want it. Cuz you don't want this.

How It All Came Up

I woke up at 6am on Saturday - and knew it was inevitable. I was going to hurl. Off I ran to the kitchen sink (Okay...I know it's weird. But think if it: Who seriously wants to hang their lips where they 'do their business'. I'm just sayin.) Seriously, it was a marathon of puking, running water, running the garborator, washing my mouth out, asking Big J for a tissue, asking again for a tissue ( how many times has this man held my hair for me, doesn't he know the routine by now?) , lying back down, getting back up to barf, racing to the sink...I'm sure you get the picture.

I might add that I was having a very beautiful dream about warm weather, sombreros, natchos and I think I was on a boat eating burritos. I think maybe my dream was trying to tell me something...

Anyhoo...you know when you are vomiting, and your stomach has nothing left to give, but you just keep heaving and heaving until you think either a) your stomach muscles are going to pop off, b) your ribs are going to crack c) you are going to suffocate because you can't breathe? That is what was going on. I hate that moment - it's such a total panic!

The problem is I had to work on Saturday, and at the rate I was going it just wasn't going to happen. I HATE BEING SICK. I HATE CALLING IN SICK TO WORK MORE. After 6 hours of vomiting and not holding down fluids, you really shouldn't be going in and running a business however. Just as well, I was running the show on my own two days following - so I'm glad I rested up as much as possible. And hey, well worth it - I was able to keep down ice chips, some gatorade and two crackers by the end of the evening. What a star.

I did make Big J drag me down to the fake hospital (no admitting, small emgergency). They made the panic even worse by suggesting I was having appendicitis and needed an operation...A bit alarmist I thought. Then of course they requested the pee in the cup trick. I'm like lady...I haven't had any fluids in 6 hours. I can give you what I don't got. They didn't do anything for me, but wouldn't let me leave till I could hold down ice chips. Very nurturing.

I was hoping for a shot of Gravol at least so I could go home and sleep without the puking part. I so got gypped!

>^..^<

COMMENTS FROM THE PEANUT GALLERY?

Hmmmm....When I initially started this blog, I wondered if someone out there was going to stumble across it and begin commenting on my rambling. I was worried about how I would feel if someone attacked what I wrote, because this is all just in fun for me. Just personal blatherings. An outlet.

No comments came though, and I felt more relaxed about keeping this page public.

I really like perusing the public blogs of others. My favourites are like mine - personal views, Rants about life, Hi 5's over things gone right. Down to earth.

I like to comment on the blogs of others where I feel a personal affinity with what the person has experienced or expressed - but I always keep it positive. I figure their blog is like their diary - they are entitled to their opinion without retribution. Unless they have invited others to express their thoughts opposing or no, then that would be different.

Then I stumbled on something interesting the other day. Apparently you could only comment on the 'Blogger' blogs if you had a 'Blogger' account. Ohhhh.....

Well the few people I know that enjoy my insane rantings are not bloggers themselves, so that would have excluded them for sure. And maybe others. Who knows.

Now Blogger has changed that, and anyone can comment on the blogs. Well that's the way it should be. If you don't want your page public, you can hide it away.

I'm still sticking with it out there. After all if you don't like my page, you can always click to the next one...

THAT MY FRIEND IS A GOOD POINT...

I admit it. I was watching that tripe show yesterday 'Extreme Makeover'. I always get sucked in, thinking it's the one about the houses they do an extreme makeover on. Then I flip to it, and it's got some plastic surgeon pulling some guys huge nose off his face. "...and in my hands, I have Jim's enormous schnoz. Now I am going to hand it over to Dr. Geppetto, and he will whittle it down to a much more appropriate size..."

It's one of those things that you're repulsed, but you wanna look - because the Bio freak in you won't turn away from the massacre taking place on the screen. Twisted.

So when I watch these shows...the whole time I am thinking about how messed up these people's priorities are. What is wrong with them? Get a spine, grow some self esteem. I mean, it's really just sad. It never leaves me with a warm fuzzy thing going on.

Yesterday though, I laughed my ass off. They had this couple going through the process, and she was some nerdy school teacher, and the guy - well who cares. He really doesn't factor into the funny part. Anyway...the teacher gets this done and the parents from the school she teaches at freak out! They are like: "What kind of message is she sending to our teenage children, they are all ready facing self esteem issues. What statement is she trying to make to them?" Etc....But the funny part is when they start interviewing the kids. Some of them were just grossed out that their band teacher was showing everyone how saggy her boobs were on national television. But one boy...he nailed the whole issue with this show. He pretty much didn't care, but his burning question was "What are they going to say to their kids? I mean, they are going to say 'Yeah, we used to look like that, but we got plastic surgery so we wouldn't have to anymore. Too bad for you though...'

And that folks is exactly it!!! What are these people trying to say to their kids - who are stuck with the looks they are trying to erase? It's a pretty twisted message. I thought it was quite poignant of that teenage boy to pick up on the irony of it.

SOMEBODY STOLE MY THUNDER....AND THOSE DAMN GENES ARE ZIPPED UP WRONG

MY ACHEY BREAKY EVERYTHING

I'm fighting the flu. I have been for three weeks. I just wish the damn thing would come on full blast and get it over with all ready!

First it was the huge bulging lymph node behind my ear, followed by a migraine that takes up residence in half my skull, then chest muscle pain followed by the sore throat, general achiness and nausea. JOY!!!

I've been taking COLD-fx for the past few weeks. It's a good product. Actually, I think it's a great product. The problems lies in the dosing instructions. I am the worst person for taking pills. And anyone who's taken the huge ginseng capsules will totally sympathize - because those things are horse pills. Huge! and so are my cold-fx capsules. So you start off...3 capsules 3 times a day, then 2 three times / day and finally 1 x3 /day.

Well I suck at that. Here's how I manage to implement it...3 in the morning of the first day...followed by 3 the next morning followed by jumping out of bed at midnight to take 2 more and then none the next day and on day four...I really planned to take some but morning turned to noon and then I forgot entirely. I did remember to take the Herbal crack to Edmonton, where I did take 3 capsules before bed. Then I left them in my suitcase and have been forgetting them eversince. I really gotta get them back out of there!

Let's hope I get back on the doping and kick this damn bug. This girl's gonna get pretty cranky if this continues much longer...

Hey Cor: did you know the word for snott is 'Coryza'?

THE CASE OF THE MISS-ZIPPED GENES

Soooo...I got some major major bad news yesterday. At work. The worst place to receive bad news is at work right? At least now I have my own office and could close the door and cry in peace... So the fertility specialist calls and tells me that Big J's genes are all zipped up wrong and he has a condition called a balanced translocation. What's that? Not a bio freak? Well here's a site that has a pretty good explanation - and the dancing DNA pretty much answers all the questions:

Dancing DNA site

It just doesn't sound good folks. It's looking like we are going to need to proceed to plans xy or z. Hmmm...we are clearly running out of options here!

I really don't want to get all emotional here - but I know I've got a bit of a wall up over this. Sometimes it looks like a rock, but it's not a rock. It's mushy inside with a hard exoskeleton. So I might seem like I'm not reacting or feeling it all. I am though. It's just the way I cope - so hopefully those that love me aren't getting freaked out. The point I wanted to get to though...well I just want to say that I have the best damn sister in the planet. You know when you are at your lowest - and there's that person who shines some light back into your perspective, and you can't begin to express your gratitude? ..Well she was that person for me today. And although I was far too fluey and heartbroken to fully show my appreciation - she really made me feel less hopeless. And I want to thank her here publicly for the gift. For the option. I really love you Cor!!! Y And I thank our husbands for understanding the bond between us, and being so supportive of how we support each other.

Now onto some FUNNY!

Have you guys seen the new Walmart commercials? The cheeky ones about their new 'George' line of clothing? Well I just love the new one!!! It's got the guys waking up, realizing someone has stolen all their clothing and running around in their boxers trying to find it. La piece de la resistance however is the background music: Somebody Stole my Thunder.

Seriously - it's hilarious!!!
I giggle everytime I see the thing. I hum the song in the car. I sing it to the Beaze. My husband thinks I'm nuts.

SURVIVOR - IT'S BACK ON!!! YAYAYAYAYAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!

I'm so excited for suvivor. We are running a pool at work. I love survivor pools. (The more people sucked into my little reality TV obsession the better.) We're doing our draw for the pool tomorrow - Here's hoping for a good pick! It's so much better when you have a personal stake in how a competitor plays the game. Makes for lots and lots of screaming and ranting at the TV...

Hmmmm. Let's hope nobody ever gets any footage of that.

So the beginning was really fun! I like the way the started it. My gut was just wrenching. I totally hated picking teams in school!!! The one or two times I was left to last scarred me for life. You could see those same scars on the faces of those people as the group got whittled down. So sad!

I loved Tom at first - sexy, nice... accent and a fire fighter! What wasn't to love? I was totally digging him! Then when he was all for going to a new island and building new shelter - I was like "What the hell!? Have you watched this show before buddy!?" Now that their group has lost fire in the process...I'm thinking some of his teamates are going to be on my page too....

So much for a sexy accent. Bye bye Tom! It was nice while it lasted...

For those who are interested...
Here's the Survivor Palau line up

AN AUNTY ONCE AGAIN

You know the saying...always the bridesmaid- never the bride?

Well - surprise! My brother had a baby boy last week (Xavier with no middle name).


Cute name, cute baby! If I could figure out how to post pictures that were a normal size, I'd show you.


Oh well, if I can't kick start my own ovaries - at least I have 'Auntydom' to look forward to!


I don't think this having babies thing is supposed to go youngest to oldest. But if that's what God has decided to do here...I'll go with it.

However, I'm thinking he's a twisted bastard at this point, but am willing to acknowlege that there may be a bigger picture that I am not privvy to.

If I'm still not pregnant by Christmas however - 'Libby' better start sharing that Lithium 'cause I am going to lose it.

>^..^<

HOLY TOLEDO - Continued...

Well - I've been a busy girl. BUT I HAVE GOT TO GET THIS STORY OUT!!! Here is the continuation. I am not sure I can do it true justice, as a lot of time has passed. I'll try though.

CREEPY COMES TO VISIT


So my stepdad (whom I refer to as Dad) brought his new girlfriend / fiance up to visit my sister and I....Blah, blah, blah. She was weird, creepy, needy, difficult and rude with a capital R!!!

Unfortunately - I just don't do rude. Can't stand it. Can't ignore it. Can't handle it.

So, as you can imagine, that made the weekend fun!!!

So, they started off at my sister's, and then they came out to stay at my place. They decided to bring Corie out here first so we could have pizza, and spend some time together. It was very foggy and dark out. Extremely limited visability, and the roads were icy. I'm not in the city, and you gotta pay attention to the landmarks so you know where to turn to get here.

Let's just say the girlfriend / fiance (we'll call her 'Libby') had an absolute meltdown in the car on the way here. She was completely freaked out about driving in the city, then she was freaked out about driving outside the city and finally the fog was just so not helping.

Once they arrived, I hauled Beaze into her kennel so she wouldn't eat the guests. (In hindsight, maybe that wasn't the course of action to take.) I didn't know about the meltdown at this point. I didn't even hear about it until the next day. I suspect Cor was trying desperately to figure out how to break it to me gently ("Lee, our Dad is marrying an escapee from Ponoka" ). So my sister came in the house but my Dad and 'Libby' stayed outside. Wouldn't they come in and say 'Hi'. This trip was about introducing her to us for crying out loud. I thought that was extremely rude, but hey...I was trying to stay somewhat relaxed. Dad and the gf/f both smoke, so I assumed that was what they were up to, and I let it go.

Then once they came in, 'Libby' was completely unsociable!!! She wouldn't even make eye contact, didn't say hello. Hmmm...At this point, my spidey senses began to tingle... So I walked up to her, all smiley and friendly (read: fake) and welcomed her and stuck out my hand. She just looked down at it. So I thrust it forward again, and she finally shook it.

Honestly, my first glance of her really didn't do anything to settle my nerves. She looked like what your average slacker heavy set 15 year old would - if they went to bed and miraculously aged 25 years over night. Think: schleppy, 'try hard'. And she was lookin pretty worn. She had red hair, a nose ring (seriously now!) and instead of sitting in the empty chair, or on the couch - she decides to sit on top of my Dad in the arm chair.

There's a saying my husband uses that I think applies here: "Ridden hard, put away wet."

(By this point - I'm pretty certain that we are dealing with a total loser here.)

There was a great deal of sniffling and shivering from 'Libby'. Big 'J' and I were slow on the uptake and didn't realise what the issue was, we thought the woman just had a cold. Then she was wispering to my Dad and I caught the words...'don't they turn the heat up'. So, why would she just ask us to turn the heat up, I mean a polite request is acceptable. Or ask for a blanket? Why the whispering? And it's not like we live in an igloo, the temperature in the house was 21 degrees celsius. Virtually a sauna if you're my husband. So I got the girl a throw, turned the heat up a bit more, made some tea. And the whole shivering drama continued. Then something else happened, and she was sniffling and tearing a bit...still didn't think anything of it. Then Dad took Cor home, and we were left with her. She had by this point had one crying jag. I really didn't want to be left alone with her at this point. I was starting to figure out that she wasn't 100% on the ball. Jer and I went and checked our email in the other room, then we went to bed. I was just hoping that he would remember to lock the door.

So the next morning, I have to go to work. Big J decides to drive me. BIG MISTAKE.

As he's backing the vehicle out, he forgets that Dad's parked behind our other vehicle. He turns too soon and clips Dad's car. OH.MY.GOD.

That made for an extremely interesting trip to work. (I think even Big J would have to agree that I showed miraculous restraint!) My internal mantra: It was an accident. It was foggy out. It was an accident. Don't get bent. It was an accident. You love this man....

By the way, that bonehead manuever was an extremely familiar one. Big J and his dad pull stuff like that off all the time. Drives me nuts. But I love him - and married him knowing he's a big clutz. So, how surprised could I really be?

Anyway, he got to tell Dad. Dad took it extremely well. He had to stay home with them. Then they went shopping. He calls me at work, and is just flabbergasted by 'Libby's' behaviour. She'd had a few crying jags again... Plus he's pretty sure she was walking around naked with her robe open when he had come back from driving me to work. The one time he will be thankful for his glasses fogging up when he comes inside! Plus: She was popping Lithium like there was no tomorrow.

So I get home, and they turn up. They had went shopping. Libby tries on her new bras, which she salaciously keeps discussing in front of us all. Then Dad is conversing at the kitchen table with us, and she completely freaks out!!! She just went postal that we weren't paying her any attention, and didn't he care about her bra dilemma - then she just went into full on dramatic sobbing.

Ugh. I hate high maintenance women at the best of times. But one who has just gone on about her hooters for the past half hour, and how bras poke her arms and then delivers a full on postal freak out when nobody pays attention to her, and are acting like they don't care...(Psssst!!!!NO ONE CARES. IT'S NOT ACTING).

At this point I just wanted to vomit. Then there were two more jags before we left.

The worst part - we were committed to going to dinner with them that night. So was Cor and her husband.

As I've said before, I'm an anal retentive control freak. Especially in new or challenging situations. Can you imagine how much I wanted to crawl out of my skin at the thought of going out in public with this crazy compulsive twit of a woman?


So we go out. Dad tries to speed. I politely ask him to knock it off (it's extremely icy, and I don't want the blubbermaster to begin blubbering in the vehicle on us). What does she do? She demands that he drive faster!!! Not only that, she begs him to weave in and out of traffic!!! Uh HELLO?! WHICH PERSONALITY ARE WE DEALING WITH HERE? And can we be any more RUDE? So he decided that to make whacky happy, he'll rev the engine as a compromise. Seriously - What a gong show.


Eventually we end up at the Moxie's restaurant by the Calgary airport. (With our lives intact, no thanks to the blubbermaster) If you've never been to this particular location, I would highly recomment that you don't bother. So many things wrong - where to begin.

We end up waiting 1.5 hours for a table. (We were told 20 mins). Then we get sat at this table by two big fireplaces in the middle of the room. No grating on them, and there is actually sweat pouring off the wait staff in the area. 5 of us ask them to turn it down, and the waitress is so grateful! She says it's horrible, but they are only allowed to turn it down if a guest requests. Well, who pipes up and says it's perfect - miss Libby. Then after our dinner in this ritzy place (really, it was pretty swanky for a Moxie's) - she announces " time to pay for diiner", and get down on her knees and goes under the table. Dad thinks this is hilarious.

OH. MY. FREAKIN. GOD.
I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE OF EMBARRASMENT.

Cor (gotta love her) stands right up and puts her coat on. Dad's like "Where are you going?". She's all, "Home." and keeps going. Yay for her!

When Libby was under the table I looked at Dad and mouthed 'Seriously?! What the hell is that? Rude!"

Obviously for her, it's an everyday occurance. I don't doubt it. But she was very pissy that we didn't think she was funny. Girlfriend needs a reality check.

We go home, more drama on the way.....

More crying at home....(but none in the car oddly enough)

Then J works the next day. I am left alone with them. Trying to get Cor to speed up her routine so we could go out for breakfast ASAP. Libby starts questioning me about trying to have a baby. I think ' Lady, I don't even discuss this with people I like). Then I realize what she's up to. Trying to get through my wall so she can manipulate me. She's all about the manipulation this one. Of course, she's all about Lithium too. For obvious reasons.

Anyway, to speed up this train wreck, we go and have breakfast. 'Libby' lips off my sister (she seems to enjoy doing this to her) and then when we go, she hugs me! Where on earth did she think we had made that connection?

Seriously, I HATED this woman. (So did Cor, and she loves everyone to death.)

I can't imagine ever having to spend 5 minutes with this whack job again.


This just goes to show you:

• one can not get engaged four months into meeting someone
• some people should never breed (did I mention she has 3 off spring and homeschools her youngest. Tell me that is ever about him and his education)
• when you meet a new addition to your family - they should stay in a motel
• creepy middle aged women with nose rings are definately not right in the head.